Tag Archives: writing

Unexpected

Posted by on December 20, 2011 1 comment

Maybe it’s because I’ve been able to be more expressive in my art (written, fiber, visual).

Maybe it’s the increased laughter in our home.

Maybe it’s the cathartic crying after challenging parenting temper tantrums.

Maybe it’s hearing that I make my gorgeous, brilliant, witty husband excited to come home.

Maybe it’s seeing effects, in my body & wardrobe, of my healthier lifestyle choices.

Maybe it’s all the old-school grunge I’ve been listening to, aiding in bringing nostalgic smiles.

Maybe it’s the anticipation my children and I have for the long weekend we’ll have with John for this Christmas weekend.

Maybe it’s knowing we’ll be gaining daylight soon.

Maybe it’s a million little things all combined.

It’s all led to this moment when I declare that, unexpectedly, today I am unabashedly happy.

Happy Hanukkah.

What’s your major?

Posted by on November 15, 2011 No comments

I’m going back to school. It’s been 50,000 years since I took a class. I’m not sure what mommy-brain has done to my ability to write essays and take exams. I’m a little scared.

Since I’m a full-time stay-at-home mommy of three young attention-grabbers, I’m going to start out light. I’ll probably only take one distance course in the spring semester. UAF is processing my admission deferment now, and I have an appointment with an academic advisor in a little over two weeks.

I majored in petroleum engineering once upon a time, 15 years ago, for about five minutes. At UAA, I was an English major, minoring in philosophy, and considering psychology as a secondary major. Then all manner of things happened, and my school days were over. The visions I had for myself then are vastly different than they are today. I have to take this into account when I look at the disciplinary concentrations offered by UAF, as I wonder what on earth I want to declare as my major.

I’m still completely drawn in by the idea of a dual degree in English and psychology. I’d love to have that as my foundation for the writing career of which I fantasize so often. The advent of ebooks combined with the decline in print media makes me question whether writing could ever be a profitable venture for me. So I ask myself, what else do I like to do?

I’ve looked at computer science/web design. I love anthropology, and as a child daydreamed of being an archaeologist on digs in exotic places, but that hardly seems like me now. I wanted to be a math major once, but even then didn’t know what I’d do with a math degree besides teach, which is something I have no interest in doing. Don’t get me wrong; I love teachers. I value the teachers I had so immensely, and consider many of them my friends today. I just know that teaching is not something I could do well, nor would I enjoy it.

How did you decide what to study?

Whoa.

Posted by on July 11, 2011 1 comment

Holy absentee blogger, Batman!

I’ve sort of been writing.  Elsewhere.  Stuff more for me and less for public consumption.  I just haven’t been writing enough, which is likely why I feel… congested? emotionally.  Time for a cathartic dump.

I’ve been exhausted, aching, and/or ill, for what seems like for.ev.er.  I have depression/anxiety/panic issues, and fibromyalgia, and chronic back pain from an ancient injury.  Those are all the basics that are with me on an almost daily basis.  I’ve had in increase in migraines (complete with aura, awesome), a resurgence of insomnia, an uptick in panic attack intensity and frequency, and some unexplained diffuse lymphadenopathy which hit me like a freight train.  And this has all just been my shit.  Each of the kids has had their own (typical, uneventful, unremarkable, viral) illness, and John has had his fair share of ickies.

So through all this shit, a lot of things have taken a back burner.  This blog was one.  My spinning.  My painting.  My knitting too, on occasion. Reading, some writing, most frivolous/fun things.

I’ve spent more time primping and preening.  I figure if I feel like absolute shit, I will at least look good.  Hot, even.

I listen to more music than before. [Side note: each of the kids has a distinct musical preference. JR = bluegrass/jam bands, classic rock. Mia = '80s hair, metal, industrial.  River = r&b and hip hop.  These are usually incompatible genres, often leading to musical chaos and at least one disappointed child.  Thank goodness for Pandora.]

I text more, play Words with Friends, nurse an ever-teething baby.

River’s not really a baby anymore.  He’s 26+ lbs of adventure, charm, and mischief.  He turned ONE YEAR OLD on July 3.  My Itty Bitty Baby Boy is ONE.  It’s amazing, and kind of heartbreaking.  (He got cake.  He loved it.  He took his first steps just days before that.)

I’ve reconnected with some really great people.  My friends and my music have really gotten me through some crappy times these last few months.  Thank you.

My lymph nodes are all starting to calm down, finally.  My spleen still hurts, but it too is on the mend.  I have medication for the panic attacks and insomnia.  Now that I’m getting at least 4 hours of sleep a night and am in less pain, I’m starting to feel like things are looking up.

Maybe I’ll get over this mental block I have about sharing certain things and y’all might see some more posts.

Pictures soon, promise!

Wee li’l bit of ol’ me

Posted by on March 9, 2011 No comments

I’ve got a bunch of blog drafts that just haven’t been finished/published.  But thanks to my friend at Ripped & Frogged, I’m stealing the idea from her post today and jumping in on A Wee Bit of Me Wednesdays with myleighashley.

{one} what color is your kitchen? One wall is taupe/tan, and one is this horrid institutional green.  I’m desperate to repaint it.  I’m thinking a rich deep red.


{two} do you have a good luck charm? I like to think of my pinky ring — a deeply colored amethyst set in white gold — as my good luck charm.  My mother gave it to me years ago.

{three} do you prefer to write with a pen or pencil? Pen.  Purple ink.  If it’s a pencil, it has to be stupid sharp.

{four} can you use chopsticks? Yes, and only within the last 8 months.  We went out for Chinese on a random afternoon after River was born, and I picked up the chopsticks and could just use them.

{five} do you prefer baths or showers? Showers, definitely.  Baths on rare occasion, with candles and smelly pretty stuff.

{six} what is your favorite salad dressing? Ranch.  Not very imaginitive.

{seven} can you sing the alphabet backwards? Yes!  And with some great speed.  It was a skill that was finely honed on barroom stools many many years ago.

{eight} do you have any allergies? Aspirin, compazine, phenergan, some/most cats, mold, pollen, possibly dust, penicillin, willful ignorance.

{nine} crunchy or creamy peanut butter? Creamy and raw almond butter, please.

{ten} have you ever hitch hiked? Yes, when I was 17 or 18 and my truck broke down on the Parks Hwy in the middle of winter, when no one knew where I was, when I’d left, where I was going, etc.  I might not be here today if someone hadn’t stopped for me.

Random on a Tuesday

Posted by on January 25, 2011 1 comment
  • My youngest sister, Melinda, died at 25 on January 14, 2011.
  • We drove to Anchorage for a small memorial service for her, held on Friday, January 21, 2011.
  • It’s got me mourning my mother all over again.
  • The kids got to play with Grandpa, cousins Faith, Caleb, and Vicky, Aunts Jessie, Tasha, & Sandee, and Uncle Darrell.
  • We took family photos at my parents’ house, courtesy of Sandee Rice Photography.
  • Back at the hotel, we took the kids down to the swimming pool.  They had a blast.
  • The chlorine in the pool did crazy tightening things to the dreads forming at the back of my head.
  • Bouncing Bears is the coolest place to get kids worn out before a long road trip.
  • The living room floor is the greatest place to roll around after many long hours cooped up in car seats.
  • The wolf and the orca share the same animal spirit in Yup’ik lore.  These are the two animals I debated between in trying to identify the animal essence of my youngest child River.  JR is a polar bear.  Camilla is a lynx/mountain lion/fox.
  • I’ve spun 4 oz of a pinkish-purplish wool/alpaca batt by Bohoknitterchic Spins into 400+ yards of a fingering weight single.  Melinda loved pink.  I’m going to knit a shawl out of this yarn.
  • I’m knee-deep in laundry that needs to be done before we leave Thursday night on vacation.
  • I get a kitten after we get back.  It will go nicely with the litter box and cat food I got from John for Christmas.
  • I’m planning on getting tattooed in San Antonio and Chicago during the next couple of weeks.
  • I’ll be starting a Little Acorn Learning curriculum for JR and Camilla after our trip.  I’m excited.
  • I definitely need to get back to daily workouts.  They’ve fallen by the wayside with a marked increase in fibro pain.
  • I nearly forgot how comfortable Vans are until I bought a new pair the other day.
  • I am very clearly doing anything possible to avoid laundry and packing.
  • I have to start all that now, before Thursday gets here.

Sigh.

New.

Posted by on January 1, 2011 No comments

(I’ll be back with 30 Days of Truth tomorrow-ish.  Just wanted to note this.  Workout: Complete, 20 minutes.  30 Day Shred 1, day 3 in.a.row!  Liking the burn I’m feeling.)

My guys (John and JR) got a much-needed haircut by me tonight, followed by showery freshness.  River practiced keeping his balance sitting up.  John went to bed in hopes of chasing away his chest cold.  Camilla fell asleep on the early side.  JR, River, and I hung out in the living room before they decided to go to sleep before midnight.

I thought about mama, and how we would call each other at midnight each new year, just to check in with each other.  I miss you, mama.  I thought about new year’s eves of past, shook my head, and said a prayer of thanks for my life today.  Sleep eluded me, so I came back out to the living room to do my workout as nearby fireworks rang in the new year.

New.  New goals.  New outlook.  New habits.  New hope.  This year, I’m going to reveal a new me.

Happy New Year.  May you find the newness you seek.

Day 6 of 30 Days of Truth

Posted by on December 30, 2010 No comments

Day 6:  Something you hope to never do in your life

Workout:  Complete, 30 minutes (30 Day Shred Jump Start, 30 Day Shred 1 — feeling major burn today)

First of all, I am sore.   S.O.R.E.  I didn’t know that just 20 minutes of working out could be so intense.  Yesterday was my first day of the 30 Day Shred program, and it kicked my ass.  Everything was sore this morning.  On the other hand, I slept like a baby last night, deeply, completely, all night.  And it was the first night in a while without nightmares (at least, where I don’t remember having them the next morning).  So bonus all around.

Second of all, I’m down over 6 lbs, and can feel that more is going to come off if I stick with this.

Thirdly, Jillian is crazy.  Her 30 Day Shred is intense, she’s intense, but that’s ok.  I need intense, I think.  She’s bossy, and that works for me.  But she’s crazy.  And my ass hurts.

Moving on.

There are tons of things I hope to never do in my life, just as there are tons of things I hope to do.  I’ll try not to be specific as I don’t want to bring myself down or increase my anxiety since I already have depression and panic/anxiety issues.  I will say, in light of the dietary shifts and increase in workout frequency, that I have a weight number in mind that I hope to never again reach.  I have another number in mind that I’m working toward, but am trying to focus more on increasing my sense of well-being.

Now excuse me while I go collapse for a while.  Whew.

Day 5 of 30 Days of Truth

Posted by on December 29, 2010 No comments

Looks like I fell down on the blog. Workouts have continued. Blogging did not. My bad.

Day 5:   Something you hope to do in your life
Workout: Complete, 45 minutes (Cardioke, part of 30 Day Shred Day 1 before it kicked my ass)

There are many things I hope to do in my life.  I hope to see my children grow old and have children of their own.  I hope to see a Boston Red Sox game along the 1st base line at Fenway Park.  I hope to see the buildings and sculptures of ancient Greece and Rome.  I hope to see the gray skies and green fields in Ireland.   I hope to get some piece of my writing published.  I hope to make a difference in someone else’s life for the better.  I hope to continue to better myself — mind, body, and soul.

Moon!

Posted by on December 20, 2010 2 comments

Here are a few shots of the lunar eclipse as seen from my front porch.  I wish these had turned out better, but I fear that it’s time to upgrade the camera.  I’d take more, but cloud cover, cold temperatures, and trees seem to be impeding the rest of the eclipse for me.  Nonetheless, it’s soooooo pretty.

Day 4 of 30 Days of Truth

Posted by on December 17, 2010 1 comment

Day 4:  Something you have to forgive someone else for

Workout:  Complete, 20 minutes   (Cardio Slimdown by Leslie Sansone, Exercise TV On Demand)

The 30 Days of Truth blogging project took a backburner while I got over a bad fall down the last third of my hardwood stairs.  Easing back into it with a 20-minute segment today; didn’t realize how much I’d missed it until now.

Today’s topic: forgiveness.  I don’t forgive easily.  This could be because I generally assume that individuals are essentially good and trustworthy people.  Once I’m crossed (and it takes a bit of effort), that’s pretty much it for me.  (Admittedly, this threshold of tolerance is lower when dealing with people in customer service roles.  It’s one of my flaws.)  I don’t forgive easily.  I can hold a grudge until the cows come home, and I’ve moved enough times that I’m not sure if the cows could find me anymore.

The slights I can think of are either understandable (falling within my general life view) or forgotten-yet-unforgiven.  Sort of that whole idea of “I was mad about something, and I must have had a good reason.”  There are a handful of things that are unforgivable, no matter what.  Some of you who know what they are can probably understand why they’re unforgivable.  The rest of you probably don’t know for a reason.

Hatred that I’ve harbored over the years has mellowed into a comfortable indifference, settling into a lovely disregard.  I’m good with it, so I’ll leave it be.

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