Tag Archives: health

Whoa.

Posted by on July 11, 2011 1 comment

Holy absentee blogger, Batman!

I’ve sort of been writing.  Elsewhere.  Stuff more for me and less for public consumption.  I just haven’t been writing enough, which is likely why I feel… congested? emotionally.  Time for a cathartic dump.

I’ve been exhausted, aching, and/or ill, for what seems like for.ev.er.  I have depression/anxiety/panic issues, and fibromyalgia, and chronic back pain from an ancient injury.  Those are all the basics that are with me on an almost daily basis.  I’ve had in increase in migraines (complete with aura, awesome), a resurgence of insomnia, an uptick in panic attack intensity and frequency, and some unexplained diffuse lymphadenopathy which hit me like a freight train.  And this has all just been my shit.  Each of the kids has had their own (typical, uneventful, unremarkable, viral) illness, and John has had his fair share of ickies.

So through all this shit, a lot of things have taken a back burner.  This blog was one.  My spinning.  My painting.  My knitting too, on occasion. Reading, some writing, most frivolous/fun things.

I’ve spent more time primping and preening.  I figure if I feel like absolute shit, I will at least look good.  Hot, even.

I listen to more music than before. [Side note: each of the kids has a distinct musical preference. JR = bluegrass/jam bands, classic rock. Mia = '80s hair, metal, industrial.  River = r&b and hip hop.  These are usually incompatible genres, often leading to musical chaos and at least one disappointed child.  Thank goodness for Pandora.]

I text more, play Words with Friends, nurse an ever-teething baby.

River’s not really a baby anymore.  He’s 26+ lbs of adventure, charm, and mischief.  He turned ONE YEAR OLD on July 3.  My Itty Bitty Baby Boy is ONE.  It’s amazing, and kind of heartbreaking.  (He got cake.  He loved it.  He took his first steps just days before that.)

I’ve reconnected with some really great people.  My friends and my music have really gotten me through some crappy times these last few months.  Thank you.

My lymph nodes are all starting to calm down, finally.  My spleen still hurts, but it too is on the mend.  I have medication for the panic attacks and insomnia.  Now that I’m getting at least 4 hours of sleep a night and am in less pain, I’m starting to feel like things are looking up.

Maybe I’ll get over this mental block I have about sharing certain things and y’all might see some more posts.

Pictures soon, promise!

Random on a Tuesday

Posted by on January 25, 2011 1 comment
  • My youngest sister, Melinda, died at 25 on January 14, 2011.
  • We drove to Anchorage for a small memorial service for her, held on Friday, January 21, 2011.
  • It’s got me mourning my mother all over again.
  • The kids got to play with Grandpa, cousins Faith, Caleb, and Vicky, Aunts Jessie, Tasha, & Sandee, and Uncle Darrell.
  • We took family photos at my parents’ house, courtesy of Sandee Rice Photography.
  • Back at the hotel, we took the kids down to the swimming pool.  They had a blast.
  • The chlorine in the pool did crazy tightening things to the dreads forming at the back of my head.
  • Bouncing Bears is the coolest place to get kids worn out before a long road trip.
  • The living room floor is the greatest place to roll around after many long hours cooped up in car seats.
  • The wolf and the orca share the same animal spirit in Yup’ik lore.  These are the two animals I debated between in trying to identify the animal essence of my youngest child River.  JR is a polar bear.  Camilla is a lynx/mountain lion/fox.
  • I’ve spun 4 oz of a pinkish-purplish wool/alpaca batt by Bohoknitterchic Spins into 400+ yards of a fingering weight single.  Melinda loved pink.  I’m going to knit a shawl out of this yarn.
  • I’m knee-deep in laundry that needs to be done before we leave Thursday night on vacation.
  • I get a kitten after we get back.  It will go nicely with the litter box and cat food I got from John for Christmas.
  • I’m planning on getting tattooed in San Antonio and Chicago during the next couple of weeks.
  • I’ll be starting a Little Acorn Learning curriculum for JR and Camilla after our trip.  I’m excited.
  • I definitely need to get back to daily workouts.  They’ve fallen by the wayside with a marked increase in fibro pain.
  • I nearly forgot how comfortable Vans are until I bought a new pair the other day.
  • I am very clearly doing anything possible to avoid laundry and packing.
  • I have to start all that now, before Thursday gets here.

Sigh.

New.

Posted by on January 1, 2011 No comments

(I’ll be back with 30 Days of Truth tomorrow-ish.  Just wanted to note this.  Workout: Complete, 20 minutes.  30 Day Shred 1, day 3 in.a.row!  Liking the burn I’m feeling.)

My guys (John and JR) got a much-needed haircut by me tonight, followed by showery freshness.  River practiced keeping his balance sitting up.  John went to bed in hopes of chasing away his chest cold.  Camilla fell asleep on the early side.  JR, River, and I hung out in the living room before they decided to go to sleep before midnight.

I thought about mama, and how we would call each other at midnight each new year, just to check in with each other.  I miss you, mama.  I thought about new year’s eves of past, shook my head, and said a prayer of thanks for my life today.  Sleep eluded me, so I came back out to the living room to do my workout as nearby fireworks rang in the new year.

New.  New goals.  New outlook.  New habits.  New hope.  This year, I’m going to reveal a new me.

Happy New Year.  May you find the newness you seek.

Day 6 of 30 Days of Truth

Posted by on December 30, 2010 No comments

Day 6:  Something you hope to never do in your life

Workout:  Complete, 30 minutes (30 Day Shred Jump Start, 30 Day Shred 1 — feeling major burn today)

First of all, I am sore.   S.O.R.E.  I didn’t know that just 20 minutes of working out could be so intense.  Yesterday was my first day of the 30 Day Shred program, and it kicked my ass.  Everything was sore this morning.  On the other hand, I slept like a baby last night, deeply, completely, all night.  And it was the first night in a while without nightmares (at least, where I don’t remember having them the next morning).  So bonus all around.

Second of all, I’m down over 6 lbs, and can feel that more is going to come off if I stick with this.

Thirdly, Jillian is crazy.  Her 30 Day Shred is intense, she’s intense, but that’s ok.  I need intense, I think.  She’s bossy, and that works for me.  But she’s crazy.  And my ass hurts.

Moving on.

There are tons of things I hope to never do in my life, just as there are tons of things I hope to do.  I’ll try not to be specific as I don’t want to bring myself down or increase my anxiety since I already have depression and panic/anxiety issues.  I will say, in light of the dietary shifts and increase in workout frequency, that I have a weight number in mind that I hope to never again reach.  I have another number in mind that I’m working toward, but am trying to focus more on increasing my sense of well-being.

Now excuse me while I go collapse for a while.  Whew.

Day 4 of 30 Days of Truth

Posted by on December 17, 2010 1 comment

Day 4:  Something you have to forgive someone else for

Workout:  Complete, 20 minutes   (Cardio Slimdown by Leslie Sansone, Exercise TV On Demand)

The 30 Days of Truth blogging project took a backburner while I got over a bad fall down the last third of my hardwood stairs.  Easing back into it with a 20-minute segment today; didn’t realize how much I’d missed it until now.

Today’s topic: forgiveness.  I don’t forgive easily.  This could be because I generally assume that individuals are essentially good and trustworthy people.  Once I’m crossed (and it takes a bit of effort), that’s pretty much it for me.  (Admittedly, this threshold of tolerance is lower when dealing with people in customer service roles.  It’s one of my flaws.)  I don’t forgive easily.  I can hold a grudge until the cows come home, and I’ve moved enough times that I’m not sure if the cows could find me anymore.

The slights I can think of are either understandable (falling within my general life view) or forgotten-yet-unforgiven.  Sort of that whole idea of “I was mad about something, and I must have had a good reason.”  There are a handful of things that are unforgivable, no matter what.  Some of you who know what they are can probably understand why they’re unforgivable.  The rest of you probably don’t know for a reason.

Hatred that I’ve harbored over the years has mellowed into a comfortable indifference, settling into a lovely disregard.  I’m good with it, so I’ll leave it be.

30 Days of Truth

Posted by on December 5, 2010 1 comment

I read about this blog meme on someone else’s blog, and have decided to give it a go.  This will help “train” me to blog more often, as I’ve been meaning to, and since I’m not going to let myself do this until I’ve done my home workout for the day, this will also help me burn calories, too.

Day 1:   Something you hate about yourself
Day 2:  Something you love about yourself
Day 3:  Something you have to forgive yourself for
Day 4:  Something you have to forgive someone else for
Day 5:  Something you hope to do in your life
Day 6:  Something you hope you never have to do
Day 7:  Someone who has made your life worth living
Day 8:  Someone who has made your life hell or treated you badly
Day 9:  Someone you didn’t want to let go, but who drifted
Day 10:  Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know
Day 11:   Something people seem to compliment you the most on
Day 12:   Something you never get compliments on
Day 13:   A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough times
Day 14:   A hero that has let you down
Day 15:   Something or someone you couldn’t live without
Day 16:   Something or something you could definitely live without
Day 17:   A book you’ve read that changed your view on something
Day 18:   Your views on gay marriage
Day 19:   What is your opinion of religion?
Day 20:   Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21:   (Scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you got into a fight a couple of hours before. What do you do?
Day 22:   Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life
Day 23:   Something you wish you had done in your life
Day 24:   Make a playlist to someone and explain why you chose those songs
Day 25:   The reason you believe you’re still alive today
Day 26:   Have you ever thought about giving up on life?
Day 27:   What’s the best thing you’ve got going for you right now?
Day 28:   What would you do if you got pregnant (or got someone pregnant) right now?
Day 29:   Something you hope to change about yourself
Day 30:   A letter to yourself

Awesome & Win

Posted by on August 9, 2010 8 comments

The nurse-in last Friday was made of awesome and win.  Thank you all.

I was so proud of the turnout — a photographer from the local newspaper pegged us at over 20+ mamas strong, not including daddies and babies and other supporters.  KUAC-FM mentioned us during the 12 pm newshour before the event.  CBS News 13 interviewed me before the nurse-in, and we were featured in the 6 pm and 11 pm news that night.  Two photos from the event were featured on the front page of the Fairbanks Newsminer the next day.

The energy from the participants was amazing, and the sentiments from passersby seemed largely positive despite a couple of unfortunate encounters.  The media was initially kicked out of the store, but were later invited back in.  John and I guessed that they didn’t want any more bad publicity.

We were there for about an hour inside the store, nursing, visiting with other parents, reveling in the positivity, enjoying the moment.  We had sort of descended on Starbucks en masse, and they were so patient even though I’m sure they were a bit overwhelmed.  The clerk nearest to us was very pleasant and polite.  Management stood by, looking rather nervous or insecure, possibly both.

I’m still so excited that it all went so well.  Overall it was such a wonderful experience.

Click images to enlarge


I’m so proud of the nurse-in, and of all of you out there who came out to support us, or sent your support from wherever you are.

I had mentioned to a few people how I’ve been wanting to expand my social circle, to meet like-minded people to hang out with and have playdates with, and one fabulous mama put it in an  awesome, empowering way:  I manifested a community around me, I manifested friends.  I guess I truly do have powerful magic.  I know I’m blessed to have had the support that I did, that I do.

What a great time it was.  I’m so hopeful that I’ve helped spread the message that there is nothing indecent about breastfeeding, and even more hopeful that at least one more mama will feel comfortable feeding her baby whenever and wherever he’s hungry.

At the nurse-in. Photo by Georganne Hampton, cropped by me.

A Friend in Need

Posted by on August 8, 2010 1 comment

My friend Benah has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  She is a lovely, intelligent, compassionate, funny, kind, fabulous mother of two, and her diagnosis breaks my heart.

She is set to have a double mastectomy next Friday, and chemotherapy is likely on the horizon.

She is participating in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Phoenix, AZ.  You can help her reach her fundraising goal.

Her family is transforming the guest room in their house into a healing & recovery room for her.  I think this is absolutely brilliant.  I’m working on a contribution myself, and will gladly forward on anything that you all care to send to me.  She could use all the positive healing vibes she can get!

Sending you lots of love, Benah!

Anticipating Baby

Posted by on July 2, 2010 1 comment

Hi, Baby McDonald #3.  This is your story.

I found out I was pregnant with you in a WalMart bathroom in San Antonio, TX, at the end of our coast trip with your daddy’s family.  I was shocked, to say the least.  I was finally able to tell your father about 45 minutes later.  I held up the test and asked him if he thought that looked like a plus sign.  He was shocked, too.

It’s not that we didn’t want you, and aren’t ecstatic to have you.  But, you see, your sister Camilla had just turned 7 months old.  I wasn’t expecting you, but am beyond thrilled to have you in our lives.  Clearly you were destined for our family.

You gave me a scare at 13 weeks (just like your brother and sister did).  Whereas I had a subchorionic hemorrhage with them, I actually had a tiny amniotic fluid leak with you.  That scared the crap out of me.  I was on edge for weeks, terrified of losing you.  I actually spent a great deal of the pregnancy worried that you were going to come early.  There’s no danger of that, as I started writing this the day I hit 41 weeks.  Clearly you are stubborn.

The pregnancy itself was pretty uneventful, for which I am grateful.  I’ve been in great health, and you have too.  JR is amazing, and you’re going to love having him as a big brother.  He’s so kind and sweet, smart and funny, and a million other fantastic things.  Camilla is pretty awesome too.  She’s a feisty, bright, willful, adventurous little girl who brings us all a smile.

I don’t know where to start to tell you how lucky you are to have the father that you do.  Maybe that will be a different story altogether.  I’ll leave it at this for now:  I’m lucky to have married my best friend and bore his children.  Really lucky.  Wait.  Not lucky — blessed.

Your due date was approaching, and I was starting to fret about my limited mobility.  We had just bought our first house, and your daddy had to pack the old house and move all by himself.  Then there was a fire on the road to the mine, and he had to take a week off which turned out to be okay because he was able to finish moving and cleaning.  We thought for sure that you’d make an entrance right after that, but no.  I’d had some Braxton Hicks contractions, but no signs of labor.  On your due date, June 25th, I had my OB’s nurse do a (very quick) membrane sweep.  I was barely 1.5 cm at that point.  With some help, I lost my mucus plug the next day, and started having bloody show the day after.

Then things stalled.

There was a lot of walking involved.  We all saw Toy Story 3 at some point.  There was a day we all walked up to Denny’s (with daddy pulling JR & Camilla in the wagon) for breakfast and back to the house.  There have been about a million trips to WalMart to walk around, probably resulting in the purchase of more crap than we ever thought we needed.  I figured out you were facing the wrong way — you were sunny-side-up, occiput posterior — and knew that you were going to have to turn around if I had a hope of ever getting you out.

I started doing all the things from Spinning Babies.  I have spent most of the last week on all fours, tushy up in the air, trying to encourage you to turn.  I felt drained, like I would be pregnant forever.  I was also starting to be in immense pain, so I scheduled a chiropractic appointment with Dr. Bill McAfee.  On July 1 (at 40w6d), he gave me an amazing sacral adjustment and did the Webster technique.  I had a contraction immediately upon standing up.  I felt you wiggling.  I had contractions all day and night, feeling you wiggle with them all.  The adjustment/technique opened up my pelvis and loosened up my uterine ligaments.  I felt fabulous and re-energized, and even got a good night’s sleep.

Today is July 2nd.  Today I am 41 weeks.  Today you turned around.  Today is also your (middle) namesake’s birthday.  Happy birthday, Uncle Darrell!  45 years ago, my mother gave birth to him.  Today I hope to give birth to you.  We’re all eager to meet you!

Ouch, Again

Posted by on June 22, 2009 No comments

So at 2:45 am two Mondays ago, I came down with a sudden high fever and extreme abdominal pain. At 6 am, my husband said I needed to be seen. I called my local physician, told him my symptoms, and he said I’d be best off by going in to Fairbanks to the emergency room. He said that chances were that I had acute appendicitis. Fun times.

I was nearly doubled over in pain all the way there. Once in town, JR went to M’s place. I had to drink about a gallon of blue crap and then got a CT scan. By late afternoon it had been confirmed that I had appendicitis, and the doctor told me I was going to have it removed. More fun.

Surgery was uneventful, though it seemed there were a million more people in the operating room than I thought necessary. I thought I’d be able to go home the next day, but instead spent the next day feverish, somewhat delirious, sleeping, and vomiting. Wednesday I was well enough to be discharged, and it was so nice to be recovering in the comfort of my own home. John took excellent care of me, the kids, and the house all week. I spent Thursday and Friday barely upright, and hardly held anything down. John went back to work on Monday, and I was mostly better by Wednesday. By this past weekend, I was my old self again, with just occasional abdominal pain.

I have a nifty new scar forming, and am wonderfully minus one useless, troublesome organ. Stupid evolutionary blip.

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