Category Archives: writing

What’s your major?

Posted by on November 15, 2011 No comments

I’m going back to school. It’s been 50,000 years since I took a class. I’m not sure what mommy-brain has done to my ability to write essays and take exams. I’m a little scared.

Since I’m a full-time stay-at-home mommy of three young attention-grabbers, I’m going to start out light. I’ll probably only take one distance course in the spring semester. UAF is processing my admission deferment now, and I have an appointment with an academic advisor in a little over two weeks.

I majored in petroleum engineering once upon a time, 15 years ago, for about five minutes. At UAA, I was an English major, minoring in philosophy, and considering psychology as a secondary major. Then all manner of things happened, and my school days were over. The visions I had for myself then are vastly different than they are today. I have to take this into account when I look at the disciplinary concentrations offered by UAF, as I wonder what on earth I want to declare as my major.

I’m still completely drawn in by the idea of a dual degree in English and psychology. I’d love to have that as my foundation for the writing career of which I fantasize so often. The advent of ebooks combined with the decline in print media makes me question whether writing could ever be a profitable venture for me. So I ask myself, what else do I like to do?

I’ve looked at computer science/web design. I love anthropology, and as a child daydreamed of being an archaeologist on digs in exotic places, but that hardly seems like me now. I wanted to be a math major once, but even then didn’t know what I’d do with a math degree besides teach, which is something I have no interest in doing. Don’t get me wrong; I love teachers. I value the teachers I had so immensely, and consider many of them my friends today. I just know that teaching is not something I could do well, nor would I enjoy it.

How did you decide what to study?

Sleep fighting

Posted by on November 13, 2011 1 comment

I don’t know much about dream interpretation. For a couple of weeks now, though, I’ve been having some majorly intense dreams and have found myself longing to know more. Many of them would qualify as nightmares; most, in fact. In these dreams, I’m fighting for my life. The person(s) I’m fighting against always change, as do the environments I’m fighting in, but I have a basic theme: I’m hunted, imprisoned, threatened, doomed. Sometimes I try to covertly escape, other times blatantly rising up against my aggressor. I haven’t been successful yet, I’ve died on a few occasions, and woken up more than once with bruises. Other dreams I’ve been having for the last few months are very pointed in their origin, leaving nothing to question, sometimes leaving me shaking for days. A small handful of dreams are very simple, if not a little chaotic. I’m hoping that if I put this out there, just thinking it through will help it resolve itself.  Have you had sleep fights that seem to stay with you?

In Fours

Posted by on October 4, 2011 No comments

Four Jobs I Have Had:
* Service advisor, heavy duty automotive shop
* Waitress, Village Inn & Denny’s
* Front office admin, psychiatric clinic
* Property coordinator, university

Four Places I Have Lived:
* Anchorage
* Fairbanks
* Delta Junction
* Amchitka Island

Four Movies I Could Watch Again and Again:
* Die Hard
* The Sum of All Fears
* How to Train Your Dragon
* Gone in 60 Seconds

Four Television Shows I Love:
* Alphas
* Firefly
* Boardwalk Empire
* Bones

Four Authors I Enjoy:
* Kathy Reichs
* Margaret Atwood
* Christopher Moore
* Kurt Vonnegut

Four Places I Have Travelled To:
* San Diego, CA
* Austin, TX
* Washington, DC
* Port Aransas, TX

Four Website I Visit Daily:
* http://www.msnbc.com
* http://www.twitter.com
* http://www.ravelry.com
* http://www.facebook.com

Four of My Favorite Foods:
* Spinach dal
* Enchiladas
* Sesame chicken
* Pasta fagioli

Four Places I’d Rather Be:
* At the beach
* Getting a massage
* Visiting old friends
* In a bubble bath

Wee Bit Wednesday

Posted by on September 28, 2011 No comments

{1} if you were given a brand new yacht, what would you name it?

Argentina.

{2} have you broken any bones? 
Yes.  Left clavicle.  Crushed T12 & L1 vertebrae.

{3} who would win in a fight: pirates or ninjas?
Pirates.  Especially Johnny Depp.

{4} what are you most excited about right now?

It’s fall!  I love fall.  I love the colors, the falling leaves, the crisp air, the way the sky gets the teensiest bit bluer, I love it all.

{5} what was your favorite tv show as a child?

There was this how-to-draw show I used to watch, and I liked Gummy Bears.  I loved loved loved Bob Ross, and still do.

{6} what message would you want to put in a fortune cookie?
Knowledge is acquired, but wisdom is innate.

{7} if you could be invited to one person’s birthday party, whose would you choose?
Mama’s, because it would mean she’d still be here.

{8} do you believe in luck?
I don’t know.  I think I do.

{9} how many siblings do you have?
This is somewhat complicated.  By birth, I am the oldest of 4, having two younger brothers and a now-deceased younger sister.  I was adopted at birth, into a family that gave me an older brother and an older sister.  This older adoptive sister gave birth to twins when I was six, and my adoptive mother raised them as her own.  This all means that I have 3 brothers and 4 sisters, one deceased.  I’m looking for my biological father, and am pretty sure that the candidate(s) I have in mind have children, so I probably have more half-siblings out there somewhere.

{10} have you had your heart broken?
Oui.

Wee Bit of Me

Posted by on August 31, 2011 No comments

{one} what’s your guilty pleasure tv show?
I have a few shows I love to watch, like Bones, House, Alphas, and Boardwalk Empire.  I feel silly for how much I love What Not to Wear and Iron Chef America.  My guiltiest pleasure tv show has to be Ancient Aliens though.
{two} ear piercings on men: yes or no?
Um, no, thanks.
 
{three} do you have dish or comcast?
GCI digital cable with HD and HBO.
 
{four} what’s your favorite current fashion trend?
I’ve just discovered that I love a tasteful ruffle, if such a thing exists.
 
{five} if you could learn to do anything, money not being an issue, what would it be?
I want to learn to play the cello, paint with oils, and successfully work from home.
 
{six} red or white wine?
Neither.  I’m an alcoholic in recovery.  Back when I drank, I preferred red though.
 
{seven} what type of food is your favorite (ex. italian, mexican, etc.)
This is a toss-up between Mexican and Italian.
 
{eight} hp or mac?
I’m a PC.  Not a fan of Macs.
 
{nine} what color is your bedroom?
Light blue, and not a nice shade of it.  It’s boring, I hate it, and want to redo it, but haven’t decided on a color yet.
 
{ten} what’s your favorite form of exercise?
Pilates, though I haven’t been doing it lately thanks to back pain.  When I had a gym membership, I loved the stairstepper or elliptical.

Poetry!

Posted by on August 3, 2011 1 comment

I used to long to be a published poet.  I’ve been hoarding my writings for years, squirreling them away, waiting until I felt like I had enough for an anthology.  I decided that I want them out in the world, so they’re going up under the Creative Writings tab.  Please, check them out.  Let me know what you think of them.

Daddy dearest…

Posted by on August 2, 2011 1 comment

…or not.

I was adopted at birth by my biological great aunt, Rose, and her husband, Charlie.  I had a good life with them.  A better life than Joanne would have been able to give me.  I’m grateful to her for loving me enough to give me away.

I knew her growing up, but I knew her as my cousin.  I remember feeling connected to her, and seeing her at all the major holidays & family events.  She was there for every birthday.  She was married, had three kids, separated, then dead.  She died of liver failure, having drank herself to death at the age of 30.  I sobbed uncontrollably, and surprisingly, at her funeral.  I was inconsolable and couldn’t figure out why.  Mama and Daddy finally told me the truth about my parentage when I was 13 & 14.

Mama was the best mother I could have asked for.  We were close.  It’s been a little over three years since she died of heart failure, and I miss her immensely.  Daddy was a good provider.  We never had the best relationship, but we’ve definitely made great improvements to that since I married and had kids of my own.

I sought out my biological father, RN, once, several years back.  I corresponded with the man I suspected of DNA contribution.  He was married, with kids, and didn’t want to jeopardize his family life by introducing an adulterous love chlid, so he didn’t want anything to do with me.

I moved out of town, married, had kids.  I also had/have medical problems.  I want to know my parentage, and their medical histories.  I can’t ask Joanne anymore, though I might be able to get her records with my original birth certificate.  I want to ask RN.  Court records show he has since divorced, among other less pedestrian things.

A friend of mine suggested that I list three things I demand to know of him.  I plan on emailing/messaging him when I have something written out.  I want a medical history.  I want pictures of him.  I want to know what he remembers of Joanne.  I have a million other vague questions, but no idea which ones are most pertinent.  I’m curious about any biological siblings that are out there.  I’m not looking for a relationship with him.  I already have a dad.

How do I phrase such a random, awkward letter to him?

Whoa.

Posted by on July 11, 2011 1 comment

Holy absentee blogger, Batman!

I’ve sort of been writing.  Elsewhere.  Stuff more for me and less for public consumption.  I just haven’t been writing enough, which is likely why I feel… congested? emotionally.  Time for a cathartic dump.

I’ve been exhausted, aching, and/or ill, for what seems like for.ev.er.  I have depression/anxiety/panic issues, and fibromyalgia, and chronic back pain from an ancient injury.  Those are all the basics that are with me on an almost daily basis.  I’ve had in increase in migraines (complete with aura, awesome), a resurgence of insomnia, an uptick in panic attack intensity and frequency, and some unexplained diffuse lymphadenopathy which hit me like a freight train.  And this has all just been my shit.  Each of the kids has had their own (typical, uneventful, unremarkable, viral) illness, and John has had his fair share of ickies.

So through all this shit, a lot of things have taken a back burner.  This blog was one.  My spinning.  My painting.  My knitting too, on occasion. Reading, some writing, most frivolous/fun things.

I’ve spent more time primping and preening.  I figure if I feel like absolute shit, I will at least look good.  Hot, even.

I listen to more music than before. [Side note: each of the kids has a distinct musical preference. JR = bluegrass/jam bands, classic rock. Mia = '80s hair, metal, industrial.  River = r&b and hip hop.  These are usually incompatible genres, often leading to musical chaos and at least one disappointed child.  Thank goodness for Pandora.]

I text more, play Words with Friends, nurse an ever-teething baby.

River’s not really a baby anymore.  He’s 26+ lbs of adventure, charm, and mischief.  He turned ONE YEAR OLD on July 3.  My Itty Bitty Baby Boy is ONE.  It’s amazing, and kind of heartbreaking.  (He got cake.  He loved it.  He took his first steps just days before that.)

I’ve reconnected with some really great people.  My friends and my music have really gotten me through some crappy times these last few months.  Thank you.

My lymph nodes are all starting to calm down, finally.  My spleen still hurts, but it too is on the mend.  I have medication for the panic attacks and insomnia.  Now that I’m getting at least 4 hours of sleep a night and am in less pain, I’m starting to feel like things are looking up.

Maybe I’ll get over this mental block I have about sharing certain things and y’all might see some more posts.

Pictures soon, promise!

Wee li’l bit of ol’ me

Posted by on March 9, 2011 No comments

I’ve got a bunch of blog drafts that just haven’t been finished/published.  But thanks to my friend at Ripped & Frogged, I’m stealing the idea from her post today and jumping in on A Wee Bit of Me Wednesdays with myleighashley.

{one} what color is your kitchen? One wall is taupe/tan, and one is this horrid institutional green.  I’m desperate to repaint it.  I’m thinking a rich deep red.


{two} do you have a good luck charm? I like to think of my pinky ring — a deeply colored amethyst set in white gold — as my good luck charm.  My mother gave it to me years ago.

{three} do you prefer to write with a pen or pencil? Pen.  Purple ink.  If it’s a pencil, it has to be stupid sharp.

{four} can you use chopsticks? Yes, and only within the last 8 months.  We went out for Chinese on a random afternoon after River was born, and I picked up the chopsticks and could just use them.

{five} do you prefer baths or showers? Showers, definitely.  Baths on rare occasion, with candles and smelly pretty stuff.

{six} what is your favorite salad dressing? Ranch.  Not very imaginitive.

{seven} can you sing the alphabet backwards? Yes!  And with some great speed.  It was a skill that was finely honed on barroom stools many many years ago.

{eight} do you have any allergies? Aspirin, compazine, phenergan, some/most cats, mold, pollen, possibly dust, penicillin, willful ignorance.

{nine} crunchy or creamy peanut butter? Creamy and raw almond butter, please.

{ten} have you ever hitch hiked? Yes, when I was 17 or 18 and my truck broke down on the Parks Hwy in the middle of winter, when no one knew where I was, when I’d left, where I was going, etc.  I might not be here today if someone hadn’t stopped for me.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Posted by on February 16, 2011 No comments

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave bereft
I am not there. I have not left.

– Mary Elizabeth Frye

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