Category Archives: random - Page 2

Wee Bit of Me

Posted by on August 31, 2011 No comments

{one} what’s your guilty pleasure tv show?
I have a few shows I love to watch, like Bones, House, Alphas, and Boardwalk Empire.  I feel silly for how much I love What Not to Wear and Iron Chef America.  My guiltiest pleasure tv show has to be Ancient Aliens though.
{two} ear piercings on men: yes or no?
Um, no, thanks.
 
{three} do you have dish or comcast?
GCI digital cable with HD and HBO.
 
{four} what’s your favorite current fashion trend?
I’ve just discovered that I love a tasteful ruffle, if such a thing exists.
 
{five} if you could learn to do anything, money not being an issue, what would it be?
I want to learn to play the cello, paint with oils, and successfully work from home.
 
{six} red or white wine?
Neither.  I’m an alcoholic in recovery.  Back when I drank, I preferred red though.
 
{seven} what type of food is your favorite (ex. italian, mexican, etc.)
This is a toss-up between Mexican and Italian.
 
{eight} hp or mac?
I’m a PC.  Not a fan of Macs.
 
{nine} what color is your bedroom?
Light blue, and not a nice shade of it.  It’s boring, I hate it, and want to redo it, but haven’t decided on a color yet.
 
{ten} what’s your favorite form of exercise?
Pilates, though I haven’t been doing it lately thanks to back pain.  When I had a gym membership, I loved the stairstepper or elliptical.

Randomly on a Tuesday

Posted by on August 30, 2011 1 comment

I like Random Tuesdays.  Because they’re random.  Like me.

I’ve been in contact with one man I suspected of being my biological father.  His name isn’t quite the right match, but his age is, as well as his location at the time of my conception.

I’ve found a few other potential bio-dads.  One was a definite ‘no’, one was deceased, and one looks like me.  The one that looks like me lives in Lugoff, South Carolina.  He hasn’t responded to me yet.  Good thing I’m persistent.

My cousin Stephan committed suicide last week at age 26.  He left behind three young sons, and a lot of loving family and friends.  We drove to Anchorage last Friday for his memorial service, but didn’t quite make it.  We stopped for brunch at Rose’s Cafe in Healy, where Mia fell on her front teeth.  She bled a bit, chipping one top front tooth and loosening the other.  We debated whether we should continue to Anchorage or turn back to Fairbanks, and decided to keep on.  We hit up Alaska Native Medical Center as soon as we got to town, and good thing.  Poor Mia had fractured both top front teeth down to the nerve, and they had to be pulled.  She’s fine now, though she pronounces a few things differently, and won’t have any lasting damage to her adult teeth or rampant love of running.

We stopped at Stephan’s wake, where the place was teeming with my extended family and lots of good food.  I saw family members I haven’t seen in years, and learned that a couple of them live up my way.  We were all exhausted from the trip down so we didn’t stay long, but I was there just long enough to give my love and sympathy to Stephan’s mother, Aucha.  My most beautiful, smartest cousin, just like me.  May G-d bless you and keep you.

The kids got to hang out with a few of their cousins, Faith, Caleb, and Victoria, as well as Aunt Jessie and Grandpa.  Mia was completely captivated by all the mountains around Anchorage, poor little mountain-deprived Interior girl that she is.  We were going to take them to Beluga Point before we left town Saturday, but opted instead to take them to Valley of the Moon Park.

That’s where I got to finally catch up with an old friend, Amanda, and finally met her beau Todd and adorable son Mason.  River had fun on the swings, JR climbed on everything in sight (and has declared it his favorite park), and Mia was so taken by Amanda and Mason that she kept talking about them on the way home.  There are many, many more friends I want to see; I’ll be back in Anchorage before too long!

It was fantastic to come home after such a short trip.  My home stays messier than I want it to be, but it’s mine.  Mine, mine, mine!  The animals gave us a great greeting, as has the laundry pile.

John has a new-to-him motorcycle this summer — a 1991 Harley Davidson Sportster.  He got it late in the season, got it fixed up, and takes it out whenever he gets a chance.  I keep pushing for him to get chaps, but possibly not for the reason he wants them.  I picked up a helmet this weekend, so I’m ready just in case I get a chance to ride with him.  Hopefully he can take a long ride this coming weekend since there probably aren’t a lot of riding days left.

I’m still knitting — I have a lot of finished projects that I haven’t pictured because the kids got hold of my camera, leaving me unable to point-and-shoot at my leisure.  That’s also why there are decidedly fewer photos here on the blog.  I have a lot of knitting projects lined up, including a shawl for Amanda (because she admired the ruffly one I was wearing at the park), hats/scarves/mittens for the kids, hats for the nursery at Fairbanks Memorial, items for the upcoming homeless youth shelter, and items for various auctions like the Toys for Tots one held in Anchorage.

I’ve been reliving some drama from 15 years ago in my dreams several nights in a row.  Rather, I should call them nightmares, more appropriately.  I’m pretty much ready for that to stop.  Though last night I dreamed I was the star in a recital, and had all manner of dance training to undergo before the big show.  It was strange.

I’ve been reading about Kabbalah, Jewish mysticism, tarot, and the Torah.  When I’m not reading about spirituality, I’ve been lost in Kathy Reichs books with Margaret Atwood bringing up the rear.

My cholesterol has come down over 50 points, possibly 70, since the beginning of the year, and I’m thrilled about that.  I wasn’t sure if my approach was working.  It’s still not great, but I’m getting there.

Fibromyalgia pain comes and goes.  I feel like I’m finally on the tail end of a flare.  If I hadn’t had two root canals that need to be retouched, I’d probably feel pretty good.

I’m going to scrounge up some dinner now, then hopefully finish a sock I’ve been working on for what feels like forever.

Poetry!

Posted by on August 3, 2011 1 comment

I used to long to be a published poet.  I’ve been hoarding my writings for years, squirreling them away, waiting until I felt like I had enough for an anthology.  I decided that I want them out in the world, so they’re going up under the Creative Writings tab.  Please, check them out.  Let me know what you think of them.

Daddy dearest…

Posted by on August 2, 2011 1 comment

…or not.

I was adopted at birth by my biological great aunt, Rose, and her husband, Charlie.  I had a good life with them.  A better life than Joanne would have been able to give me.  I’m grateful to her for loving me enough to give me away.

I knew her growing up, but I knew her as my cousin.  I remember feeling connected to her, and seeing her at all the major holidays & family events.  She was there for every birthday.  She was married, had three kids, separated, then dead.  She died of liver failure, having drank herself to death at the age of 30.  I sobbed uncontrollably, and surprisingly, at her funeral.  I was inconsolable and couldn’t figure out why.  Mama and Daddy finally told me the truth about my parentage when I was 13 & 14.

Mama was the best mother I could have asked for.  We were close.  It’s been a little over three years since she died of heart failure, and I miss her immensely.  Daddy was a good provider.  We never had the best relationship, but we’ve definitely made great improvements to that since I married and had kids of my own.

I sought out my biological father, RN, once, several years back.  I corresponded with the man I suspected of DNA contribution.  He was married, with kids, and didn’t want to jeopardize his family life by introducing an adulterous love chlid, so he didn’t want anything to do with me.

I moved out of town, married, had kids.  I also had/have medical problems.  I want to know my parentage, and their medical histories.  I can’t ask Joanne anymore, though I might be able to get her records with my original birth certificate.  I want to ask RN.  Court records show he has since divorced, among other less pedestrian things.

A friend of mine suggested that I list three things I demand to know of him.  I plan on emailing/messaging him when I have something written out.  I want a medical history.  I want pictures of him.  I want to know what he remembers of Joanne.  I have a million other vague questions, but no idea which ones are most pertinent.  I’m curious about any biological siblings that are out there.  I’m not looking for a relationship with him.  I already have a dad.

How do I phrase such a random, awkward letter to him?

so many years

Posted by on July 14, 2011 No comments

I prefer left-wing news
I like dark chocolate at night
I wear red lipstick and dresses
and sometimes I’ll pick a fight
I curl my hair and wear high heels
I go to sleep with a light on
I can cook seven course meals
I miss mama like crazy ’cause she’s gone
I can grow plants from seeds
I’m terribly frightened of stairs
I’m afraid that I’m sick
I’m more afraid that no one cares
I keep my hands busy with yarn
and my favorite season is fall
my heart races like a schoolgirl’s
every single time that you call
I have a picket fence and garage
I have three kids, a dog, and cat
I’m a strong loving mother
but I’m so much more than that
I’m creative and witty
I’m sarcastic and smart
I can be really mean
but I have a huge heart
I want to travel and write
I want to paint and to dance
I want to go to the beach
and be surprised by romance
I dreamed I burned dinner
and there was a scenic view
it’s been so many years
and I’m still dreaming of you.
so if, out on the street,
you’d just met me today,
would you choose me again?
or would you walk the other way?

Seriously?

Posted by on June 20, 2011 No comments

After the complete nonsensical stress that my body apparently has been under for the last couple months, the last thing I needed was to come to my diary-blog today and find that SOME ASSHOLE HAD HACKED IT, AGAIN.

Seriously?

Why the fuck was it necessary to hack my fucking site? Does this little bitty blog generate that much net traffic that I’m a viable target? Bullshit.

Anyway. I guess if I’ve got haters I must be doing something right.

Randomly, and in no particular order:

Posted by on April 22, 2011 No comments

Femmer is getting bigger and more rambunctious.  He’s a very pretty, very talkative kitty.  He really loves it when I take the pet hair slicker to him, usually comes when called, and will stand on his hind legs to get a yummy treat.  Camilla is his favorite person though.  He tried to curl up on her when she’s sleeping.  Sometimes this wakes her up, which makes her furious, and then they both cry.  Still kind of cute.

Femmer, sleeping on the couch. (Click to enlarge.)

Buffle is bulking up, and is totally happy hanging out in the back yard sniffing at strange things.  Surely spring has sprung.  She’s a bloody stupid dog, but she’s mine, and she makes me smile anyway (even if she can never find the ball once I’ve thrown it).  She puts up incredibly well with the kids using her as a jungle gym and trying to ride her like a horse.  Stupid horse dog.  She just licks them.

Muttley, the ferocious pine cone chaser. (Click to enlarge.)

I found out last month that my baby sister Melinda died of dilated cardiomyopathy.  Miss you, Sissy.

Dad fell, broke his ankle, spent a few days in the hospital, gave us all a scare.  We went down, spent some time near him.  The kids, of course, love playing with their Grandpa.  It was bittersweet for me to spend a few days in my parents’ house; I miss my mama terribly, but I enjoyed having my kids play in the house I grew up in.

There was inevitable bullshit drama with my sisters.  I give up.  I hope they find peace and happiness because, until then, they’re just going to continue to tear others down to make themselves feel better.  Sad.

I finally got to hang out with my dear friend Kelley and her daughter Jazmynn — twice!  Our kids had a great time together, and I’m so glad to have reconnected with Kell.  We need to make damn sure we don’t let another 4 years go by without seeing each other again!

I never showed off my new ink here!  I’m absolutely in love with my new tattoo (that I got at the beginning of February).  Custom work done by Jedidia Reid, owner of Element Tattoo Studio in San Antonio, TX.  I vow to only get work done by him, or by an artist recommended by him.  I hope he comes up to Fairbanks to do a guest spot!

Photo by Jedi Reid, owner/artist at Element Tattoo Studio, San Antonio, TX. (Click to enlarge.)

I’m trying my hand at a garden for the first time this year.  I’ve started seedlings for cherry tomatoes, basil, green onions, summer squash, spinach, carrots, and butternut squash.  This weekend, I’m going to get a prefab mini-greenhouse and some planters, start transplanting a few things outside.  I love love love the idea of fresh homegrown food!

River can crawl!  And pull up on people/furniture!  And cruise around it!  Poor little guy has another ear infection, but he also has 8 big teeth, and insatiable curiosity and charm.  I’m a sucker for him.

River, at a rest stop on the way back up from Anchorage. (Click to enlarge.)

JR & Camilla are getting taller, smarter, funnier, and more charming every day.  They have new rain gear and XtraTufs, and just need to search out some huge puddles now.  I’ll definitely share those pics once they’re taken!

Wee li’l bit of ol’ me

Posted by on March 9, 2011 No comments

I’ve got a bunch of blog drafts that just haven’t been finished/published.  But thanks to my friend at Ripped & Frogged, I’m stealing the idea from her post today and jumping in on A Wee Bit of Me Wednesdays with myleighashley.

{one} what color is your kitchen? One wall is taupe/tan, and one is this horrid institutional green.  I’m desperate to repaint it.  I’m thinking a rich deep red.


{two} do you have a good luck charm? I like to think of my pinky ring — a deeply colored amethyst set in white gold — as my good luck charm.  My mother gave it to me years ago.

{three} do you prefer to write with a pen or pencil? Pen.  Purple ink.  If it’s a pencil, it has to be stupid sharp.

{four} can you use chopsticks? Yes, and only within the last 8 months.  We went out for Chinese on a random afternoon after River was born, and I picked up the chopsticks and could just use them.

{five} do you prefer baths or showers? Showers, definitely.  Baths on rare occasion, with candles and smelly pretty stuff.

{six} what is your favorite salad dressing? Ranch.  Not very imaginitive.

{seven} can you sing the alphabet backwards? Yes!  And with some great speed.  It was a skill that was finely honed on barroom stools many many years ago.

{eight} do you have any allergies? Aspirin, compazine, phenergan, some/most cats, mold, pollen, possibly dust, penicillin, willful ignorance.

{nine} crunchy or creamy peanut butter? Creamy and raw almond butter, please.

{ten} have you ever hitch hiked? Yes, when I was 17 or 18 and my truck broke down on the Parks Hwy in the middle of winter, when no one knew where I was, when I’d left, where I was going, etc.  I might not be here today if someone hadn’t stopped for me.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Posted by on February 16, 2011 No comments

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave bereft
I am not there. I have not left.

– Mary Elizabeth Frye

Random on a Tuesday

Posted by on January 25, 2011 1 comment
  • My youngest sister, Melinda, died at 25 on January 14, 2011.
  • We drove to Anchorage for a small memorial service for her, held on Friday, January 21, 2011.
  • It’s got me mourning my mother all over again.
  • The kids got to play with Grandpa, cousins Faith, Caleb, and Vicky, Aunts Jessie, Tasha, & Sandee, and Uncle Darrell.
  • We took family photos at my parents’ house, courtesy of Sandee Rice Photography.
  • Back at the hotel, we took the kids down to the swimming pool.  They had a blast.
  • The chlorine in the pool did crazy tightening things to the dreads forming at the back of my head.
  • Bouncing Bears is the coolest place to get kids worn out before a long road trip.
  • The living room floor is the greatest place to roll around after many long hours cooped up in car seats.
  • The wolf and the orca share the same animal spirit in Yup’ik lore.  These are the two animals I debated between in trying to identify the animal essence of my youngest child River.  JR is a polar bear.  Camilla is a lynx/mountain lion/fox.
  • I’ve spun 4 oz of a pinkish-purplish wool/alpaca batt by Bohoknitterchic Spins into 400+ yards of a fingering weight single.  Melinda loved pink.  I’m going to knit a shawl out of this yarn.
  • I’m knee-deep in laundry that needs to be done before we leave Thursday night on vacation.
  • I get a kitten after we get back.  It will go nicely with the litter box and cat food I got from John for Christmas.
  • I’m planning on getting tattooed in San Antonio and Chicago during the next couple of weeks.
  • I’ll be starting a Little Acorn Learning curriculum for JR and Camilla after our trip.  I’m excited.
  • I definitely need to get back to daily workouts.  They’ve fallen by the wayside with a marked increase in fibro pain.
  • I nearly forgot how comfortable Vans are until I bought a new pair the other day.
  • I am very clearly doing anything possible to avoid laundry and packing.
  • I have to start all that now, before Thursday gets here.

Sigh.

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