Hair:  Feria, Havana Medium Brown; got2B Glued spiking gel; cut by me
Glasses:  Cover Girl frames in Plum
Earrings:  James Avery sterling silver “Mother’s Love” leverbacks, diamond stud, James Avery “Rose” sterling silver post
Necklace:  James Avery sterling silver cable chain, James Avery “Mother’s Love” sterling silver pendant
Shirt:  Old Navy fitted scoopneck, Stainless Steel
Fragrance:  Dolce & Gabbana, Rose the One
Face:
Tinted moisturizer — Miracle Skin Transformer SPF 20, Medium
Mineral foundation — Prestige Skin Loving Minerals, Medium Beige
Bronzer/blush — Too Faced Brightening & Perfecting Bronzer, Peach Leopard
Eyelid primer — Smashbox Photo Finish Lid Primer
Eyebrows — Sephora Retractable Brow Pencil, waterproof, Midnight Brown
Eyeshadow — Too Faced, Romantic Eye palette.  Lid: Kiss the Bride. Outer lid/crease: First Dance.
Eyeliner — MAC Liquidlast pen liner, Point Black
Mascara — Dior Diorshow Iconic, black
Lips — MAC Prep & Prime. Kat Von D Liquid Lipstick, Lolita
Finishing — Urban Decay All Nighter Long-Lasting Makeup Setting Spray.  Guerlain L’OR Radiance Concentrate w/Pure Gold

I’m ready to cry. I’m about at my breaking point. All the docs I’ve seen so far are sure that I have a primary autoimmune disease with lots of secondary problems that make my life miserable. Many of them have said they think it’s SLE or something that mimics MS, but are deferring to rheumatologist’s ruling. I got my lab results & saw the rheumy today, but walked away empty-handed. He said that, while I have a lot of SLE indicators, apparently I don’t have enough (yet?). He said I could start feeling better (not likely, he admitted) or I’ll get worse and the numbers will reflect it. Either way, no course of treatment for today except to continue the inadequate pain meds, and no new treatments until I’m decidedly worse. I’m so frustrated, because I already feel like shit on a stick, and now this either has to become my new “normal” or I can pray I get worse and that whatever I have progresses quickly enough to be measurable. Great choices.

1:42 pm. I’ve neglected this a bit. My health hasn’t been the greatest. I have retrobulbar optic neuritis, swelling of the nerve between eye & brain. Vision blurs, light hurts, red doesn’t look red anymore. And having it increases my odds of developing MS. Just had a spinal C/T MRI on Friday. Almost 2 hours strapped in a tube, ending with searing pain, like my muscles were being ripped from bone. I get a brain MRI this Friday.

I turned 33. The day itself was nice enough. Then I got word that my cousin Ignatius – Iggy – had hung himself. Sad.

Mia turned 3. She spent the day, like most, cheerful and excited. Thursday night we had cake & presents when John came home. Purple kitty boots, pink heart rain boots, “floppers,” and art supplies. Daddy did awesome.

Saturday night John took me out to dinner. We tried Vallata, Pump House, called Turtle Club, drove by Gambardella’s, wound up at Bobby’s. After, we picked up the kids and drove out looking for the aurora and stars. Awesome night.

Yesterday, John took the older 2 to see Mr Justin and Miss Hannah. Peanut and I stayed home since he was vomiting. I finished The Great and Secret Show, started Mrs Dalloway.

Today I started writing, again. Feels totally awesome to have words flowing, to have a character coming together out of nothing. Now, I’m going to get ready for a day of shopping & hanging out with sweetie.

My very dear friend, Amanda, has multiple sclerosis. Very soon, she’ll be undergoing a stem cell treatment in efforts to become MS-free. As this is costly, and because she is so important to me, I want to help her raise money so that her 3-year-old son can have an MS-free mommy.

For the next month, all proceeds of my pattern sales will go directly to her donation fund. Buy a pattern, donate to a wonderful cause.

You can read more about her story, or donate to her directly, here.

Thank you so much!

Maybe it’s because I’ve been able to be more expressive in my art (written, fiber, visual).

Maybe it’s the increased laughter in our home.

Maybe it’s the cathartic crying after challenging parenting temper tantrums.

Maybe it’s hearing that I make my gorgeous, brilliant, witty husband excited to come home.

Maybe it’s seeing effects, in my body & wardrobe, of my healthier lifestyle choices.

Maybe it’s all the old-school grunge I’ve been listening to, aiding in bringing nostalgic smiles.

Maybe it’s the anticipation my children and I have for the long weekend we’ll have with John for this Christmas weekend.

Maybe it’s knowing we’ll be gaining daylight soon.

Maybe it’s a million little things all combined.

It’s all led to this moment when I declare that, unexpectedly, today I am unabashedly happy.

Happy Hanukkah.

Four Jobs I Have Had:
* Service advisor, heavy duty automotive shop
* Waitress, Village Inn & Denny’s
* Front office admin, psychiatric clinic
* Property coordinator, university

Four Places I Have Lived:
* Anchorage
* Fairbanks
* Delta Junction
* Amchitka Island

Four Movies I Could Watch Again and Again:
* Die Hard
* The Sum of All Fears
* How to Train Your Dragon
* Gone in 60 Seconds

Four Television Shows I Love:
* Alphas
* Firefly
* Boardwalk Empire
* Bones

Four Authors I Enjoy:
* Kathy Reichs
* Margaret Atwood
* Christopher Moore
* Kurt Vonnegut

Four Places I Have Travelled To:
* San Diego, CA
* Austin, TX
* Washington, DC
* Port Aransas, TX

Four Website I Visit Daily:
* http://www.msnbc.com
* http://www.twitter.com
* http://www.ravelry.com
* http://www.facebook.com

Four of My Favorite Foods:
* Spinach dal
* Enchiladas
* Sesame chicken
* Pasta fagioli

Four Places I’d Rather Be:
* At the beach
* Getting a massage
* Visiting old friends
* In a bubble bath

Argentina.

It’s fall!  I love fall.  I love the colors, the falling leaves, the crisp air, the way the sky gets the teensiest bit bluer, I love it all.

There was this how-to-draw show I used to watch, and I liked Gummy Bears.  I loved loved loved Bob Ross, and still do.

{8} do you believe in luck?
I don’t know.  I think I do.