Category Archives: random

30 Days of Truth

I gave this a very brief go in the past. Time to try it again. It’ll probably take me a lot longer than 30 days, since I have a tendency to forget to journal some days. At any rate, it should be fun to do again. Who’s with me?

Day 01 : Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 : Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 : Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 : Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 : Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 : Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 : Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 : Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 : Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 : Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 : Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 : Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 : A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 : A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 : Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 : Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 : A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 : Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 : What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 : Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 : (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 : Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 : Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 : Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 : The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 : Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 : What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 : What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 : Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 : A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Hallooo…

Crap. It’s been forever since I updated this thing.

We took a trip to TX in late June/early July. Went to my in-laws’ 50th anniversary party, saw J’s side of the family, got some vitamin D. Loads of fun.

After flying back to Alaska, we had an interesting time getting back home. Flew into Anchorage, landed late at night, drove all night toward Fairbanks, arriving at Nenana sometime after 7 am. Couldn’t go any further since a wild fire had blocked the highway. Backtracked an hour or two, took a gravel road connecting the Parks Highway to the Richardson Highway, got a flat tire about 70 miles in. We only had one spare on us, no cell service, no sleep, and just a few bottles of water and some junk food. Amazingly, a few miles after changing the tire, we came across a lodge/tire repair stop. Got a room, got the tire patched, ate, slept, and resumed the journey the next morning. Another 40-ish miles and we were on the Rich, then another two-ish hours and we were finally back home. All in all, it took about 60 hours to get home from Texas.

I lost the rest of July and most of August due to some fun medication complications. JR started 1st grade at the end of August, turned 7 in September, and can now read, write, add, and tie his shoes. He’s such an amazing big boy.

J has had a couple of back operations (to repair a bulging disc) and is recovering slowly but well enough. I’ve had a lot of doctor appointments in my bid to finally find a diagnosis, as well as dealing with part of my Social Security disability appeal. Little to no progress has been made on either front.

Autumn is here, brightening my mood since it’s my favorite season. The kids discovered the simple fascination of a Coleman lantern last night in the backyard. JR very much wants to go camping, though I know that he’d be freezing and unable to last the night through if we actually did it. Next summer.

I got to see Bill Maher and Dave Chappelle when they came up here, got to visit briefly with my dad once, and meet some new people. Also have some new furniture — two new couches, and a matching coffee table/end tables set. Looking forward to rearranging the rest of the house when I have a good day or two; I plan on bringing up a twin bed from downstairs to put in a now-vacant upstairs bedroom, moving a dresser and some shelving units, and changing around various wall hangings. Eventually, I’ll get my china cabinet and antique sewing table from my parents’ house in Anchorage. When it’s all done, home will feel much homier.

Lately, I’ve been sucked into books, predominantly 18th and 19th century lit. I’ve done some writing again, and touched up some paintings. I have lots of ideas for new paintings, and hope to actualize them soon. I’ve also been making some hand-knits for this coming winter.

Ultimately, I just felt like it was time I posted something to say, “Hi. I’m still alive.”

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“Happy Birthday” Manicures!

Today is my 34th birthday. Tomorrow is Camilla’s 4th birthday. We got Mama and Mia manicures at Hair, Body & Sol today. We had the GREATEST time.

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This just became “our” thing.  I have already been told we are going to do this for our next birthday.  Mia had the best time talking a mile a minute to the wonderful ladies at Hair, Body & Sol, and picking out the colors she wanted (she wound up with a bright pink base with a warm purple shatter top coat).  She asked what everything was, at least once.  She asked for water.  She said she needed her hair moved out of her eyes.  She asked for a fan so her nails could dry faster.  She asked to get her feet done, too, but that was not on the schedule for today.  Camilla definitely has diva in her blood; it’s good to see that my girl knows what she likes and isn’t afraid to ask for it.  😀

This birthday diva was pretty damn happy with the whole thing.  I love that I’m making such happy memories with her, and setting up a fun new tradition.  I loved my manicure, and I’m certainly eager to go back for more services.  Happy birthday to us!

Blue skies

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Feeling them inside, too. At least a little bit. But for the first time in a grip, for sure.

Glimpse

You’ve heard of Schrödinger’s Cat.
Both dead and alive at the same time.
I believe we’re each like that kitty.
At least, I can see it in my heart.
Every fork in the road leading to
A different life, a different world,
Lifetimes playing out before me
In an instant, whenever I close my eyes.
One, where my mother kept me.
In that, I am small, trapped, destroyed,
While she still ends up dead drunk
On the floor, only I had found her instead.
Another, my youthful innocence
Remains intact, pure, unbridled.
I can’t see that world so clearly.
The lights are too bright, colors too saturated,
Shifting everything a little out of focus.
Over there, I never make it to the stairwell
And things play out with new characters.
But here, I got on the plane, and I see
Laughter, veils, fights, passion, tiny feet,
And improvisation. Apartments, jobs, travel,
Bourbon on the floor, temper tantrums,
And something that looks like love.
Then I open my eyes, as always happens,
And all of the elements remain the same
But our roles are so different and identical.
Eyes open or closed, the cat is dead and alive.
I just wonder if you see it all too.

Look

She has that faraway look again
The one I can’t break through
Where I don’t recognize her completely
She’s staring at something I cannot see
From long ago, perhaps
Digging into those locked boxes of bad memories
Or maybe the chest full of good ones
That still hurt just as much
Maybe she’s revisiting old ghosts
There are so many that haunt her now
Yet even more can grasp her if she loses focus
And they all tear her to pieces
Some with malice, some joy, some loss
And some are sheer possession
Some of them aren’t even real.

Will the REAL…

Will the REAL Hippie Diva please stand up? I WILL.

Evidently, there is (still) some debate as to whether I am the REAL Hippie Diva. I assure you, I am.

If there are any washed out has-beens out there who would like to say otherwise, step out from the shadow of “anonymity.”  Have the balls to speak for yourself, or shut the fuck up.

Hilarious.  The rest of you, as you were.

Sushi Circuit Round 1

My friend T and I have decided to make the rounds of the sushi joints in Fairbanks. I figured I’d make note of our dinners here, should I forget details later, as I’m quite prone to do.

We started tonight with Ajimi, an unassuming little place on 3rd. Not much to it from the outside, but well lit and full of ambience inside. I mentioned that they must use Time Lord technology. I suspect she thinks I’m even more of a dweeb after that comment.

We were seated right away, and just as quickly as we’d gotten off our coats we had miso, eggs, and potatoes. The miso was alright, the eggs were fun, but the potatoes were odd and covered in honey. Not for me.

The menu was massive. There were too many choices and I was tempted to get one of everything. T ordered us the Tom & Jerry appetizer — a spicy salmon paste with avocado and masago on a deep fried sushi rice patty, drizzled with a lovely thickened soy-based sauce. She got a Boss roll, and I got a spicy Alaskan King roll. We were quite indelicate in eating them just for their sheer diameter, and I found myself relieved that I’d gotten just the one roll since it was massive. Eating it may have been a tad problematic but so worth the fumbling. Tasty food, prompt, courteous service, reasonable prices … I will definitely be back!

We finished our evening at Airport Way Family Restaurant, with too much bad coffee, too much nicotine, too warm a room, but lots of laughter.

I can’t wait for Sushi Circuit Round 2! I’ll have to do better at taking pictures. Being around T is such great fun. You should be jealous. 😛

Birthday!

Two years ago, right this minute, I was in labor, starting to transition, sure that I couldn’t go through with it, being encouraged by John that I was strong enough to handle anything. By 3 pm, I was at the hospital, and fighting the urge to push. John didn’t get a chance to park the truck. Less than half an hour after arriving at the hospital, I had a VBA2C (vaginal birth after two cesareans).

River Darrell was born, 9 lbs 6 oz, 21.5″ long, at 41w1d, 8 days “past due date,” making our little family complete.

Happy 2nd Birthday, River! We love you, Peanut.

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