Every now and then I think it’s important to reaffirm some things about oneself. So here goes.

• I can be a self-deprecating, judgmental, temperamental, loud, impatient bitch.

• I swear a lot, more than I know I should.

• I’m overweight, and am starting to fully accept and embrace the fact that I will always be robust.

• I am legally blind without my glasses. Bats can see better than I can without my glasses.

• I hate rap. A lot. But my youngest son loves rap, hip hop, and R&B. I’m learning to enjoy it.

• I hate doing dishes. I hate it even more if I’m washing them by hand. I try not to, but it bores the shit out of me.

• I’ve been raped numerous times. I never had the courage to report them.

• I was an addict by the time I was 14.

• I am not to be considered “human” or “awake” until I have ingested my first cup of coffee.

• I love bad movies.

• I eat meat. I saw a bumper sticker that cracked me up: “If God didn’t want us to eat animals, He shouldn’t have made them out of meat.”

• I wear leather and fur too. Well, I own fur. I haven’t sewn it into anything wearable yet.

• I shop at WalMart. I live in the middle of nowhere, and we don’t have a Target yet, so I still shop at Hell.

• I don’t recycle. I wish I did, most of the time, but it’s not easily available where I live.

• I prefer black wood frames for pictures.

• I have OCD. There are some things that have to be done a certain way, every time, or all is not right in my world.

• I dislike vanilla.

• I drink milk from the carton.

• I was a smoker for 15 years. I quit. I still miss smoking, often.

• I hate standing in line at the post office.

• I hate standing in line anywhere, actually.

• I sometimes want to lock myself in the bathroom, light some candles, and take a bubble bath. Or just hide.

• I need about an hour to myself every night, after the husband and the children have gone to sleep, to just be Crystal. I get cranky if this does not happen.

• Sometimes I need more than an hour. Sometimes I feel like I need a month.

• Then I crawl into bed, see the husband and the children sleeping blissfully, and am once again okay.

• I believe in God.

• I do not believe that Jesus is the Messiah. I do not need to be “saved.”

• I cannot ice skate. I can, however, run on Alaskan ice in four-inch heels.

• I prefer to be barefoot.

• I do not regularly shave my legs.

• I love to knit, to learn new techniques, to design, to play with sticks and string.

• I long to be a published poet. I am so grateful that I have started writing again.

• I miss painting.

• I collect coffee mugs.

• I am a staunch liberal. If you know me, you know this.

• I am vehemently pro-choice.

• I enjoy being a housewife and homemaker. So much so that I do not envision returning to work of my own volition. I will if necessary though.

• I try to protect my family from some of the more controversial aspects of myself, for fear of worrying or upsetting them.

• I care less and less about offending other people.

• I sometimes like to piss people off. Just because.

• I regularly crack myself up.

• I am abrasive to many people, largely because I am blunt and opinionated. Oh, and because sarcasm is wasted on some people.

• I am beyond in love with my husband, and I recognize that I am lucky. He gets me. Not only does he get me, he loves me for being me.

• I am memorable.

• I love who I am.